30th April 1870
To: Blakely Turrows of Turrow, Turrows and Smatlinglade
From; Lt Henry Wooster, RN
Re: a replacement hipflask
Lakey old chum, it has been forever, what? I see by your advertisement in the Evening Post that you've opened one of your shops in Northumblerland. Brave man! I didn't think there was anything but hunting that far North. No doubt some folks of high social bent will be buying up your stock of odds and ends.
To get down to the rummy business however, I must ask a favor of you. Recently through some extrordinary circumstances I've lost my good silver brandy flask. A case of it overflowing with spirits as it were.
It's just a rummy affair. It started off with our return from a balmy savage island just off the coast of Africa. We arrived to round up some stray blighters from Cambridge off on one of those trips to dig up thousand year old bits of broken crockery and such. It's all a bit complicated as we had to rescue these wayward eggheads from some French interference on a untried ironclad and when we arrived we found that we had dead frenchmen popping out of the ground, a city inside a bally mountain, fire falling out of the sky. That and I didn't once get a spot of hunting in.
The locals, who live in an extrodinary set of caverns in this mountain, took us in and there we found our stray historians. The next set of days were something of a blur, I partly accord due to the most excellent refreshments. We were waited upon hand and foot, our every desire minus any wish of leaving. Mind you there were excellent reasons not to leave as the local ruler, a stunning gel, took a fancy to me.
It isn't often that a head of state, a monarch to boot, takes even an eyeblink's interest in a Royal Navy Lieutenant. We had a intimate dinner, and I must confess that my charm, for the third, possibly even fourth, time in my life overwhelmed the poor lass. There was some talk about her being a diety or somesuch, but I just can't fathom such a fair creature bearing that much responsibility. The king, or prince or whatnot never was spoken of.
She was the most delightful creature--charming, beautiful, and exotic. It seemed that others took leave of thier senses. Luckily I kept my head about me and we spent a number of hours in negotiations. She was perhaps the most beautiful woman in the whole of creation. My sister Agatha thirst for my obtaining a state of matrimonial bliss would have been well sated if I had brought a head of state back to the family manorhouse.
So, Lakey, if you could round up some suitable replacement for my flask, proof to shot at 10 paces, solid silver with my epitath engraved upon it I would be willing to give you 10 pounds for it.
Yr Humble Servant
Henry
Proceed to Death on the Iron Rhine
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