2 February 1871, Saturday
Today marks the final day of formal mourning for my father, Phillip Francis Whitnell. I will set aside my mourning colours. Much of what he did for me was invisible until after his passing. He was a kind, loving, and thoughtful man and his love has given me a legacy greater than I deserve.
I am a little envious of John for I have not dreamed of Father for many months now. I pray today for the repose of his soul and that he may know how much I love him to this very day.
14 February 1871, Tuesday
I took my leave of Mrs Dobsin by taking tea at her house this afternoon. I met her only a week ago. She knew my Great-Aunt and has been able to tell me a little about what is was like living in the same village with Great-Aunt Hethelyn.
Mrs Dobsin gave me the most recent gossip. Who is courting, which families aren’t talking to each other and she tried once more to discover what I might know of Major Haywood’s valet. The stoic African has aroused much comment in West Darlson but I have so far refused to add fuel to the fires.
Of all that has happened this trip, meeting Mrs Dobsin is perhaps the most significant. She knew my Great-Aunt and visiting with her has given me a much better sense of who Great-Aunt Hethelyn was in life and what type of shoes I am trying to fill. Next time I come to town, a visit to Mrs Dobsin will be right up there with starting the milk delivery.
16 February 1871, Thursday
I went to a final tea today with Mrs Russell and Major Haywood. Little Eliza was allowed to join us at my request. I enjoy her company. I have suggested to Mrs Russell that they visit Mr and Mrs Whitnell soon. I suspect that she and little Anne would get along well. Anne is two years older but has a great deal of experience playing with ‘youngers’ as she calls them and would do well by her new cousin.
I mentioned to Mrs Russell that I had sent a letter to John making the same suggestion and that I hope very much that an invitation will be extended.
It didn’t occur to me until later that, if Mrs Russell and the Whitnells enjoy each others company a visit to Haywood House would likely follow. Whereas my little cottage does not have amenities enough for Emily, Haywood House does...
In better news, Major Haywood is nearly recovered from his ‘relapse.’ He walks with a very slight limp and has affected the use of a cane, which makes him look very distinguished. We have gone for longer and longer walks as the weeks have passed and we have settled into a solid friendship, for which I am very grateful.
I have shown him the Dragon stone. We called the Dragon and I introduced them to each other. The Dragon was curious as to what world-ending event would cause two witches to call on him, but I suspect that he doesn’t mind the company. It probably didn’t hurt that I made Major Haywood bring one of the really good bottles of wine from the Haywood cellar.
We have talked much about our various magiks. He has years more experience than I, but I have had a rather more concentrated course in the past ten months than he. It has been very pleasant to spend time with a member of my family and be relatively unguarded in my speech. Though I am not able to tell him much about my adventures due to the secret nature of Our work. Fortunately he had many adventures growing up in Africa. I have reciprocated by telling him about my time in India.
Where were all these sensible, thoughtful, well spoken, honourable, and courteous men when I was 19? Or was I just an idiot when I accepted Captain Forrester?
17 February 1871, Friday
I went into town this morning to stop the milk delivery. I ran into Mrs Capt Radcliffe at the telegraph office. I was sending word to Lady Cowperthwaite of my planned arrival. Mrs Radcliffe did not confide her own business there with me, but she was very pleasant. She remembered my name even though we had only met the once.
I inquired after the health of her Captain. She said the damp was getting to him and they are both looking forward to spring. It has been noticeably warmer the past week. I begin to think about seeing the seasons round here. It is not something I particularly long for at this stage in my life. West Darlson is very lovely, and my neighbours generally pleasant, but I miss my friends in the League and look forward with great anticipation to our reunion at Edenfield Court.
18 February 1871, Saturday
~Morning~
I am packed and waiting. Major Haywood insisted on driving me to the train station. I am sorry to do Bill out of the work but could not turn down my cousin– not after all we have shared these past weeks.
I have rather more trunks and bags than usual, so I hope he does not come alone. We could manage, just the two of us, especially since I learned not to pack all of my books in one trunk, but I am afraid he would over-exert himself given the chance.
~Afternoon~
I made it safely on the train. Major Haywood brought a carriage and a wagon. The carriage for Mrs Russell, little Eliza, Major Haywood and myself and the wagon for my luggage. My new cousins waited with me at the station and we said very fond farewells when the train finally came. I leave West Darlson in their care until I return.
~Evening~
Sir Cosmo and Lady Cowperthwaite picked me up from the train station. Salmalin was driving. I am the first guest to arrive so the great country house feels very empty. Lady Cowperthwaite confessed that she has been lost several times already. She is also finding the sheer number of servants rather intimidating. In spite of these small setback, seems to very much enjoy married life. She and Sir Cosmo radiate happiness.
Given all that we had to go through to get them married, it is very good to see. They are very natural and unguarded around each other. I don’t know that I was ever that comfortable with Captain Forrester even after 9 years of marriage.
I asked Lady Cowperthwaite when the rest of our friends would be expected, she said that she was still working out some of the details. She looked at Sir Cosmo though her eyelashes as she spoke and I could swear he nearly winked. It is wonderful to see the two of them so taken with one another.
Dinner was informal, which was very pleasant after the long train ride. Lady Cowperthwaite suggested that we resume training with Salmalin. It would certainly be good for me. I have tried to keep up on my training while at the cottage but it is difficult when there is no one to spar with. I have no objective sense of how I am doing.
We will meet in the courtyard at sunrise and practise our rituals and exercises.
19 February 1871, Sunday
I have not fallen nearly as far behind as I feared. I was able to keep up with Miss Lady Cowperthwaite and not disgrace myself too badly. She has the advantage of youth. However I have been very active while at the cottage. Splitting firewood has certainly improved my ability to hold a sword. I am going to have to let out the sleeves of my dresses to allow for greater range of movement.
I must change and get some breakfast if I intend to go to church.
~Later~
They have a very pleasant little church out here. It was nice to meet some of the women of the parish. None of them said anything untoward about the new lady of the manor in my hearing, but then my hearing is not nearly so keen as Mrs Frazer’s and I am a known guest of the house. There seems to be an undercurrent of excitement at having the house open. Now that it is occupied again, people are wondering what will happen next. I forbore to warn them of the League’s tendency toward explosions and other excitements.
Lady Cowperthwaite assigned Mr Salmalin to drive me to church and back again. He was busy with the horse on the trip so I tried not to distract him. It was a beautiful day for a drive.
Lady Cowperthwaite had no more news on when our friends would arrive. She did mention that there are quite a number of horses schooled for riding if I was interested. It was still early enough in the afternoon that we could get a good ride in before the sun set. We agreed to change into riding clothes and meet at the stables. Sir Cosmo suggested we take Mr Salmalin along– just in case, and Lady Cowperthwaite readily agreed.
I changed quickly and waited impatiently outside the stables. Lady Cowperthwaite arrived with Salmalin in her wake but then realized she had forgotten her gloves. The grooms had saddled three horses for us so Lady Cowperthwaite left Salmalin holding the reins to both of their horses.
He looked at me very seriously without saying anything. We waited in silence and the minutes seemed to stretch as we waited. Lady Cowperthwaite returned after what seemed an age and we all mounted our horses.
21 February 1871, Tuesday
I am at loose ends today. Sir Cosmo and Lady Cowperthwaite are attending to some business this afternoon. Lady Cowperthwaite, Salmalin and I did our exercises this morning before breakfast but it is too wet to go riding, even for me. The rain is very heavy and very cold.
I do not want to be a pest, so have not asked Lady Cowperthwaite when our other friends will be arriving.
I do not know why I am so restless. Yesterday was very busy, what with a trip into town to meet with a seamstress. Lady Cowperthwaite wants to ensure that someone out here can cope with the rather specialized dressmaking requirements that we have developed. That was in addition to our regular exercise and horseback ride.
Lady Cowperthwaite picked up both the Weekly Companion and the Half-penny Marvel Library. They are six chapters into the imaginary adventures of our friends Mr O’Flaherty and Dr Wilson.
The Half-penny Marvel Library is serialising "The Trump of Doom" in which Atlas O’Flaherty, Lt. Howarth, a professor of antiquities, his daughter, Estelle the Mysterious French Swordswoman, and Dr. Jeffers the Wizard of Ballistics are trying to prevent the end of the world. In the Weekly Companion, we have "Kid Rocket and the Golden Calf" in which Kid Rocket, Little Running Deer, Lt. Smithers, Magda the Swordswoman, a professor of antiquities and his wife are all trying to prevent end of same.
It is very odd to read these stories in light of the adventures we had last summer on the Continent– they are so similar in outline yet so very far from what really happened. It makes for a very bizarre read.
Lady Cowperthwaite had read all of the previous chapters and has loaned me her copies so I can catch up but I find that I keep reading the same three paragraphs over and over again.
The rain is pouring, the fire is burning, I have penny-dreadfuls to divert me and yet I feel restless. If I were not writing in this journal, I am certain I would be pacing the floor.
Salmalin brought me my tea just a few minutes ago. I was rather startled to see him with the tea cart rather than one of the maids but I suppose that is one way to check that all is well with the household.
He has been much about since my arrival. I have seen more of him in the past three days than I did during most of the time leading up to the Cowperthwaite’s wedding. Of course he was frequently off guarding prisoners or rescuing various members of our party while I was working on combatting the attacks of a more mystical nature (when I wasn’t making every machine in the parish run wild, that is). In spite of all my physical training, I am still not much help in a real fight– and when we have such experts as Miss Bertilde, Mr Salmalin, Sir Spencer, George &etc– I am much more likely to be of use behind the lines, as it were.
I think I have distracted myself as much as I can with this journal. I will try to take a walk around the house and see if that settles my spirit...
22 February 1871, Wednesday
I woke this morning with the sudden realization that I had been set up.
Lady Cowperthwaite has no intention of inviting anyone else to visit until things are brought to a head between Mr Salmalin and myself.
What is it about the newly married that make them meddle in the lives of others?
Regardless, I am now resolved to take full advantage of this opportunity. I see now that Lady Cowperthwaite has been leaving Salmalin and I alone for as long as she possibly properly (and, really, not so properly) can. Neither he nor I have said anything to the other that was not necessitated by common courtesy.
That will change today if I have my way.
I do not know his feelings for me. I have my hopes, but that is all I have. If I wait for him to speak we may be here for months and Lady Cowperthwaite will certainly tire of my company.
~Later~
I have fixed my hair and put on my favourite dress of fawn and
copper. I am as armoured as possible for what is to come.
Now I must work up the nerve to walk downstairs...
23 February 1871, Thursday
I am still not certain how it happened, but we are on a train bound for Scotland and Salmalin and I are engaged.
That is not entirely true. I know exactly what happened, but nothing occurred in a manner even remotely as I expected, so I am still completely baffled.
Yesterday I went downstairs and asked to speak with Mr Salmalin. We went for a walk in the garden. It was cold, but private. I stated that it was past time we had the talk that he had insisted we postpone until my mourning year was complete.
He did not disagree, so I continued, feeling like I was running toward the edge of a cliff.
I confessed my deep and abiding love for him and asked what, if any, feelings he had for me. He answered with a question ‘How could a flower know its feelings for the sun?’
I said that didn’t really answer my question.
He told me that, every day this week, either Sir Cosmo or Lady Cowperthwaite have reminded him of his promise to them not to prevaricate, lie, or otherwise dodge direct questions put to him by members of the League. Now he had some inkling of why they had been covering that bit of information so frequently.
I said that still didn’t answer the question.
He tried to answer again, but I only ended up even more confused. I could not tell if he was saying that he admired my talents and wished I would take myself more seriously or if he loved me in return.
Every time I tried to work through my list of concerns he would turn what I said on its head until I completely forgot what I was trying to say.
Finally I resorted to the most direct approach I could think of.
I asked him to marry me.
He said ‘Yes, if you will have me.”
I was exasperated by this point. I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t want him! I did the only thing I could think of, I switched to Hindi and asked him a second time. This time he answered ‘yes, yes, a thousand times yes’ and went on to quote a particularly sentimental bit of poetry.
Finally a clear and decisive answer!
I think I now have an inkling as to what poets mean when they refer to a soaring heart. My heart has felt many things over the past months– most frequently raw terror or burning anger, but with Salmalin’s response my heart felt as if it were expanding to fill my entire chest cavity and that it would soon lift off into the sky taking the rest of me with it.
Though looking back over this description, I realize that I have made it sound rather gruesome. Metaphors become so for a reason, and a ‘soaring heart’ certainly sounds much more romantic than a ‘full chest cavity.’
I took his hand and we returned to the house. I was surprised to realize that I was crying. He gave my hand a little squeeze as we crossed the threshold from the garden back into the house. It seemed best to go to Sir Cosmo and tell him of our intention to wed. On the way in from the garden, I asked Salmalin if he had any objection to eloping, as I suspect it will be much simpler in the long run to ask for forgiveness from my family, rather than permission.
We confided our plan to Sir Cosmo and Lady Cowperthwaite. They were more than supportive– which is how we found ourselves travelling with them to Scotland. It appears, that during some of the darker days surrounding Sir Comso’s wedding, he contemplated eloping and did the discovered that if we spend 20 continuous nights in Scotland we can marry before the registrar on the 21st day. Salmalin agreed to this plan and we crossed the border this morning. We will stay in Glasgow tonight and then take the train over to Edward’s work site (the official reason for this trip) and see how he is getting along.
We are travelling with Sir Cosmo and Lady Cowperthwaite and Tattvik in her role as lady’s maid. This is the first time I have travelled with Tattvik when she was not even nominally my charge– she seems to have the four of us well in hand already.
Salmalin is travelling in his usual role as a footman and I am ostensibly Lady Cowperthwaite’s travelling companion. Three weeks seems a long time to be together, yet separated by convention. At least four of the five of us can speak Hindi– perhaps we can teach Sir Cosmo a bit more of the language while we are at it. I have reminded Tattvik that her mother would be very vexed with me if she lost her fluency in Hindi while living in England.
~Later~
I finally thought to ask him if ‘Salmalin’ was his first name or last. It is his last. His first name is Ravvi. That will take some getting used to.
We have not talked of where we will live after we are married. As far as the outside world knows, I am marrying a footman and will have to adjust my expectations accordingly. I know without asking that he will not wish to leave the service of the Cowperthwaites. I do not wish to either but do not know what public service I will be able to render them given my strange status.
We will deal with that when it becomes necessary. As long as he is where he wants to be, and I am with him, all will be well.
I must stop writing before this journal devolves further into soppy sentiment.
We are to be married!
25 February 1871, Saturday
We have arrived at the construction site. Sir Cosmo intends that we well spend at least a week here. He and Mr Balderstoke have much to catch up on. I will try to do my duty by Ruth and find out what her charges have been up to, so as to provide an objective report on their time here once I see her again. I’m afraid she will be terribly vexed with me next time I see her, so it would be advantageous to have an olive branch in the offing.
27 February 1871, Monday
Today Mr Salmalin and I took a ride around the Site in the clockwork gig. The Project is very impressive, if muddy. They are building a bridge from Kyle of Lochalsh to Kyleakin. Mr Balderstoke is very enthusiastic about the bridge. In addition to providing a more efficient mode of transport for the islanders, he hopes it will serve as a sort of test case for an even larger bridge he would like to build.
I was able to speak to Edward during lunch about the feasibility of such clockwork carriage for my house in West Darlson. He said it would be relatively simple for him to build. He also suggested that I install a small steam generator that could be used the wind the clockwork. It has several advantages over other power sources. I would be able to run if off of the same fuel I use for the house and it can be packed away and stored safely.
He was very taken with the idea of some sort of locking mechanism for the cart and steam generator. I don’t think he believed me when I told him that my property was quite secure– House watches over all that is mine and anyone thinking of entering the property without my leave would likely not get very far. Some day I should take him to the cottage– or maybe I will offer an invitation to Miss Wilhelmina instead– since Edward usually gets to do all of the fun things.
Edward guesses, that once he returns to London, it would take him several months to build the cart, always assuming we are not interrupted by League business in the meantime.
1 March 1871, Wednesday
I woke up from a sound sleep this morning with the realisation that Mr Salmalin had so confused me on Wednesday last week that I quite forgot to tell him something very important, something that might affect his answer to my proposal. I had a list of things I meant to tell him, however, since they private and personal matters I did not write them down. I should have. It would have saved me having to bring up this awkward topic now that we are already in Scotland. I can only hope that this will not change his opinion of me. I must tell him before the wedding. Otherwise it would feel as if I were marrying him under false pretenses.
~Later~
As I suspected it was a very difficult conversation, but not for the reasons I thought it would be. I wanted Mr Salmalin to understand that is was not terribly likely that I would be able to have children. Mrs Cuthbert’s prophetic dreams aside, I was married for 10 years to a man who was able to have a child by a woman other than me.
It was there that the conversation got confusing, embarrassing, and awkward for me. He said that I am a witch and can do what ever I want. He also asked if I had wanted children in the past.
I said that I had wanted to have a family when I married at 19. I confessed that I was relieved at age 29 that there were no children to tie me to my ex-husband. It would have made divorce that much more difficult (I did not say that part to Mr Salmalin). He said that my 19 year old self was a reflection of my 29 year old self, only he said chaya path a word that has more to do with following time by its shadow, rather than prtibimbh or chan which are the more straightforward words for a reflection.
Since our conversation a week ago we frequently speak in Hindi. It seems to be easier for him to explain some of his thoughts to me in that language and indeed some of what he says makes more sense when we switch over to that language.
He asked again if I wanted to have children. I said yes. He asked if I was certain. How can any one be certain of such a thing? He seemed to understand that.
We talked a while longer. Eventually I was satisfied that he understood that I believed that I might not be able to give him children. I’m not certain that he believes me, but he understands why I believe and that is enough.
He and I see the world very differently, and it is one of the many reasons I love him.
Given this information, he has not changed his mind about our engagement. He asked if there was anything else I wanted to mention. I thought carefully before answering. I do believe that I have now told him everything of consequence.
I am still rather confused by our conversation. However, it is likely that confusion will be a permanent state for me from now on.
14 March 1871, Tuesday
We made our farewells to Edward at breakfast this morning. We are returning to Glasgow today so that we will have tomorrow to get ourselves in order to appear before the registrar on Thursday. I am in a bit of a state about what to wear on Thursday. I plan to wear my favourite day dress and hope it will not look too shabby. If I could I would wear my sari for Salmalin but both prudence and practicality suggest a more conventional choice.
I must content myself with the knowledge that Salmalin will be standing beside me on Thursday. He has certainly seen me at my worst and hopefully at some point in the future I will have the opportunity to shine for him.
~Evening~
We have just returned from dinner. I have a room with Tattvik, just off Sir Cosmo and Lady Cowperthwaite’s. Mr Salmalin has the room on the other side of the hall– though I doubt he will actually sleep there.
I believe, based our last conversation, we have decided to do without wedding rings. We have discussed the advantages and disadvantages several times during the course of our time in Scotland. I do not need a ring to remind me of my promises to him. With the work that he does, a ring, or any jewellery, might be anything from awkward to hazardous.
I do wish I could have invited more of my friends to stand beside us on Thursday. However, I’m afraid that news would have gotten back to my family and they might have had time to Take Steps. I don’t know exactly what they could or would have done but I am certain that much wailing and gnashing of teeth would have ensued.
If there is going to be wailing and gnashing and casting into the outer darkness I want it to happen after I am safely married. I can live with my family’s disapproval but only if I get Mr Salmalin in the process.
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