Second session, "Magic in any Language"

Foolishness and floodgates

From the diary of George Moriarty, a.k.a. Cousin George, footman in the household of Sir Cosmo Cowperthwaite

Monday, 21 June 1875

The Bombay Mirror is a newspaper with quite a lot in common with the old London Echo. While the Times of Bombay have been carrying somewhat sensational and exaggerated articles recounting the Battle of the Bay of Bengal since we arrived in port, those accounts have been flattering toward the members of the League. The Mirror carried a story written by Mr Gideon Spillet which makes a series of claims too ridiculous to repeat.

Lady Cowperthwaite wanted to go have words with them, but she was dissuaded. She was also distracted, thanks to the arrival of the seamstresses and the neccessity to be fitted in time for the social events of the afternoon and evening.

Mrs Salmalin and Mrs Cuthbert received a call from Dr Langtry. He's a professor of history at the college. Mrs Frazer met him earlier in the weekend, as he is a colleague of her old friend, Professor Peacock. Langtry is also a sorcerer, an official representative of the Lord High Warlock's office, in fact. He also is probably the sorcerer who interferred with Inspector MacGreggor's investigation of the double-murders.

While he was speaking with Mrs Salmalin and Mrs Cuthbert, his neice arrived at the house, wishing to speak to Mrs Frazer and to officially welcome Lady Cowperthwaite. She is also a sorceress, though not as obviously so as her uncle.

The visits by the two Langtries made the ladies all the more determined to have further conversation with Lord Vaughn, though they did not catch up to him until the dinner party.

Lt Pellew became a Captain in the navy today. Or should I say, my Uncle Shaddrach became a Captain? There was a ceremony and the entire League was invited. When he received his new rank and insignia, the Admiral addressed him as Shaddrach Pellew Moriarty. He's given up the last pretense he was holding about his relationship to the notorious Jerrold Moriarty. Shaddrach has been given permanent command of HMS Arabis. Lt Turner has been assigned to him, making Turner a First Lieutenant at a rather young age.

As part of the ceremony, Lt Wooster, Lt Turner, Sgt Jayne, and several other officers that assisted us in the battle at sea received a commendation and a medal. Even Midshipman Albert Roundheels, of all people, received a medal. Who knew he could stand up straight and speak almost like a civilized person when confronted with an Admiral? The gossip in local naval circles is that Albert is Shaddrach's bastard son. I don't know if Shaddrach is oblivious to this gossip, or if he is ignoring it because while the specific relationship is not true (Albert is another of the cousins, and his mother was never married), he is family. Wilhelmina clearly looks on him like a brother, which does nothing to dispel the gossip.

There was far more wholesome whispering about that Wooster won't remain a Flag Lieutenant long. He's bound to be promoted to Captain once we get back to London.

The ceremony and reception was also attended by most of the officers currently in the city, as well as such wives and family members who had not fled to the hills to avoid the summer heat.

Wilhelmina struck up a conversation with Lt MacAllistair, who is overseeing the construction of two ships using a variant of one of Wilhelmina and Mr Reed's designs. Being an engineer, he was soon discussing engines and boilers and such with great enthusiasm. Until we were interrupted by Miss Alice Pinchingdale, daughter of Admiral Pinchingdale (who is master of the port).

It was very clear that Miss Pinchingdale took offense that Lt MacAllistair was engaged in earnest conversation with an unmarried girl. She was rude in the way she stepped between them, pushing Wilhelmina aside and completely dominating the conversation. Wilhelmina was more amused than offended.

The ladies of the League drifted over to try to mullify the conversation. Mrs Cuthbert had already been talking with Lt MacAllistair, and seemed to have taken a motherly interest in him. It seemed that he has been smitten with Miss Pinchingdale for some time, and was prepared to propose marriage, when it was communicated to him rather forcefully that the Admiral would not approve. The Admiral is from what Cosmo called "the old school" and does not think that Engineers should be officers. Engineering, the reasoning goes, is not a proper occupation for a gentleman, but quite fitting for a tradesman. And the daughter of an admiral, particularly when that Admiral is himself the younger son of a younger son of a Viscount, could never marry a tradesman.

Miss Pinchingdale may have felt otherwise, but has since become engaged to Captain the Hon. Miles Selwick --- commander of the Bombay Harbour Battery, former classmate of Lt Wooster, and younger son of another Viscount. Captain Selwick is, in both the eyes of the Admiral and his wife, an emminently suitable candidate to marry their daughter.

It was clear from Miss Pinchingdale's actions that she still harbours strong feelings for MacAllistair, just as it is clear that he pines for her. Thus, the ladies of the League had to get involved. Mrs Salmalin took an interest because she has rather strong feelings about people marrying for the wrong reasons. Mrs Frazer took at interest because she has rather strong feelings about people of certain classes looking down their noses at people in certain professions. Mrs Cuthbert took an interest because she is always in favor of the underdog in matters of the heart, and Lt MacAllistair had the decided air of a puppy which has been kicked.

There was much whispering and maneuvering around the reception. Which continued after we arrived at Government House for the dinner party hosted by the Viceroy and Vicerein. Lady Ambridge was easily recruited into the cause, and was soon speaking rather glowingly of the value of engineering to the fleet, as well as the deep intellectual requirements of the profession.

Wilhelmina, meanwhile, made the acquaintance of Lt Collins, who was very interested in the reconnaisance possibilities of the rocket kite. Sir Cosmo joined the conversation, which went on rather at length.

Tuesday, 22 June 1875

The ladies, having finally arranged a meeting with Lord Vaughn, were away much of the day, chasing various clues in the murders and such. We were thus able to make a great deal of progress on the projects.

There was a bit of excitment in the middle of the day. Galen decided to build his own rocket kite, and got the idea that Wooster's new leather-lined cloak would make a perfect kite. He launched himself, but became separated from his vehicle almost immediately, landed mostly unharmed in the bushes of the garden. The cloak made a long and rather convoluted journey through the rain-soaked sky.

Wooster wasn't able to wear his new ensemble to the Admiral's dinner. Though he seemed very happy that Emily decided to wear some fo the jewelry he's bought for her.

Wednesday, 23 June 1875

Mrs Frazer thinks I'm an idiot.

Wilhelmina says that Mrs Frazer thinks everyone is an idiot, but that isn't precisely true. She doesn't think Mr Frazer is an idiot, though she does believe he is too trusting and tenderhearted to make some decisions wisely. And she doesn't think Mrs McGreggor is an idiot, nor Mrs Salmalin, and certainly not her own children. She clearly believes, however, that no one other than herself can make a reasonable decision on their own. Some she thinks are merely foolish, others are impulsive, and so on. Wilhelmina thinks it amounts to the same thing. Maybe she's right.

The problem began during our tour of one of the ships Lt MacAllistair is currently building in drydock. The ships are currently being referred to as "Thane Creek" and "Ulhaus River," but those may not be the names they will eventually be christened under.

Wait, it did not begin when we toured the Thane Creek. Events had been set in motion some months before. See, the trouble seems to have originated with the Woosters' wedding. Lt Wooster was older than a typical groom. He's not elderly, by any means, but men his age have usually been married for twenty years and are in the process of getting their first children married off, rather than becoming newlyweds themselves.

He was considered quite confirmed in his bachelorhood when he finally took his vows with Emily. Being the third son (or is it fourth? I don't recall if Mr Richard Wooster is older or younger than our Mr Wooster) of a Viscount, he wasn't necessarily expected to marry and produce heirs, though since neither his eldest brother, Lord Towcester (also known as Mr George Wooster), nor the next eldest brother, Mr Willoughby Wooster, have married, perhaps their mother the Viscountess was getting a bit anxious.

The news, in any case, travelled rather quickly among the ladies of the upper class. If the incorrigible Lt Wooster could marry a woman of child-bearing age, then perhaps there was hope for some of the other nearly-middle-aged unmarried sons. Such as Lt Wooster's old friend from school, Captain the Hon. Miles Selwick. Captain Selwick is a younger son of the Marquess of Uppington, with family connections to Baron Bittlesham, Viscount Loring, Viscount Snipe, and the Duke of Dovedale. He is the same age as Wooster. He has been wounded in battle and decorated for bravery. He commands the Battery for Bombay Harbour, a position of some prestige. He has a generous income from annuities far in excess to his naval pay. He is the same age as Wooster, and has never married. All of which make him a very desirable potential son-in-law.

Certainly his mother the Marchioness thought so, and inspired by Lt Wooster's success, she wrote to all the dowagers and ladies she knew in Bombay telling them that despite appearances to the contrary, Captain Selwick was extremely lonely bachelor who pined constantly for the companionship of a good wife. Thus primed, Mrs Pinchingdale, wife of Admiral Pinchingdale (who is himself an uncle of the current Viscount Snipe, and thus a distant relation of Selwick, et al), and Miss Alice Pinchingdale spent a lot of time in the company of Captain Selwick, and misunderstood something he said as a proposal of marriage. Believing that contradicting them would be the equivalent of calling the Admiral's wife a liar, Captain Selwick went along with the misunderstanding, finding himself engaged to a much younger girl in whom he had not interest at all.

In turn, he blamed Lt Wooster for his predicament, and said as much to the Lieutenant when they met the first night we were in port. Wooster resolved that day to assist Captain Selwick in extricating himself from the situation, and soon recruited Mr O'Flaherty to the cause. It was not long before another member of the Bombards, Lt Knox, had them all working on a scheme together.

Lt Knox drew their attention to Lt MacAllistair, who has been smitten with Miss Pinchingdale for years, but had thus far been thwarted by the Admiral's disapproval. Lt Knox believed that Miss Pinchingdale could eventually sway her father, if she were just to be reminded how much she cared for MacAllistair.

So it was that MacAllistair was encouraged from several sides to invite Miss Pinchingdale and the ladies for a tour of one of the ships he was building. Wilhelmina, Mrs Frazer, Mrs Cuthbert, Mrs Salmalin, Mrs Wooster, Miss Pinchingdale, Mrs Pinchingdale, Mr O'Flaherty, and myself were being led around the ship by MacAllistair, who was doing a quite credible job explaining this as we went.

I was somewhat distracted because we were being watched. Lt Wooster and Captain Selwick had supposedly been attending to some business in the naval offices, yet several times I saw Wooster moving about the catwalks above the ship. One time he clearly signalled something toward someone near us. Following his line of sight, I saw Lt Knox skulking nearby. Knox returned the sign and ducked out of sight. If I knew what they had been planning, I would have knocked them both unconcious.

Miss Pinchingdale didn't understand how a ship made of steel could float. MacAllistair explained about boyancy, which led to an explanation of how one makes a watertight seam between steel plates. Mr O'Flaherty decided to demonstrate, but shutting a door and turning the latchwheel until a seal was made.

The wheel broke off in his hands. Mrs Frazer, Mrs Salmalin, Miss Pinchingdale, and Mr O'Flaherty were trapped inside one of the inter-hull compartments. We examined the mechanism, and it was quite broken. MacAllistair was went to get a long bar or pipe to use as a lever.

Except at that moment, shouts of alarms were raised, followed immediately by alarm bells. The floodgates were opening. Water could be heard rushing in, washing up against the side of the unfinished ship. While Mrs Cuthbert and Mrs Wooster hurried toward higher ground, Wilhelmina asked me if I could get the door open by myself while she went to do something about the floodgates. I said that I could, and she left.

I learned later that it had been Wooster at the controls of the floodgates. He claimed he was looking for the controls for the crane. He claimed that he there had been some sort of bet between Lt Knox and Captain Selwick regarding whether the men of the off-shore battery could be seen from atop the crane, and whether those men were attending to their duties while their commander was on-shore. Which was a complete fabrication. He more privately admitted that he had been involved in a scheme to make MacAllistair rescue Miss Pinchingdale. Supposedly the flooding had not been part of the plan.

Not knowing this, I prepared to open the door. I've never bent that wide a piece of steel before, but it was thinner than some of the rods I've had to shape. Of course, breaking sticks with your bare hands is easy, until you tie a bunch of them into a tight bundle, which is how the door differed from a single steel rod. But, it had to be done, or they would be trapped inside an airtight room and submerged under at least a fathom of water. When you stress rivetted seams, some of the rivets will pop and fly off like bullets. I advised Mr O'Flaherty to have the woman stand back, and to shield them. I also suggested the Mrs Salmalin raise some power. I was afraid the waters would reach us before I got the door open, and she might have to magickally get us to safety.

Mrs Frazer became incensed, shouted for me not to do anything. Before I could explain about the rivets, she and Mr O'Flaherty were exchanged words. Miss Pinchingdale was nearly in hysterics, and Mrs Salmalin was trying to calm everyone down.

While I gathered strength, Mr O'Flaherty resumed his search for a weak spot in the wall. At least that's what he said later. I think he was punching the wall to vent his frustration.

I climbed up above the hatch, found a place to wedge my feet in while holding the edge of the hatch with both hands. I'd gathered up enough power to kick the door in three times over, which I hoped would be enough to bend the door. I could hear a lot of shouting and running about while the water continued to pour in, and the ship begin to move. I blocked it all out, and focused on the door.

I pulled. And pulled. The steel shuddered, then squealed and began to move. I peel the door back, opening a spot maybe five inches wide when I had to stop to gather some more strength. Mr O'Flaherty started pushing from the other side, and soon we had the door folded nearly in half. When I dropped to the floor, water was lapping about my ankles. The ladies needed help through the opening, but soon we were climbing out of the depths.

At the upper edge of the hull, we could see a lot of activity. Emily was helping several of the men pull workers up from the flooding areas with ropes. Wooster had figured out how to work the equipment bucket and was hauling more men out of the water elsewhere. Just as we got to the top, MacAllistair dove into the water outside the hull, dragging a hose, he disappeared under the surface for a rather long time. when his head broke the water, he shouted for the pumps to be engaged. Someone on the relayed the shouted, and a very familiar sound game from the next berth over. The drydock were Selene was being repaired.

MacAllistair had added Sir Cosmo's pumps to the drydock's pumping system. Wilhelmina said later we were very lucky Selene's crew had been testing the control systems, because they'd had to fire up the boilers so the engines could run the generators. If Selene's boilers hadn't already been at steam, the pumps wouldn't have been available. Wilhelmina was closing the floodgates, but against the force of the sea, she had to close them slowly.

MacAllistair stayed in the water, refusing to climb up until all of the workmen were safe. When he finally came out, he was a mess. Soaked to the bone, shirt torn, grease smeared on his hands and face. Miss Pinchingdale gazed on him with such open admiration, you would have thought he was Poseidon rising from the waves.

To say the Admiral was upset would be understating to a ludicrous degree. I'm surprised Wooster wasn't demoted to Seaman Recruit on the spot. Mrs Pinchingdale and Miss Pinchingdale spoke so enthusiastically of MacAllistair's bravery and quick thinking, it's a wonder he wasn't promoted to at least a Captaincy at the same time. To her credit, Miss Pinchingdale also was quite effusive in her praise of Wooster's bravery rescuing workers from the flood, and Mr O'Flaherty's efforts to free them from the hatch. She even rather embarassingly mentioned my efforts.

Lt Knox interjected with an explanation about the bet, which rather conveniently made Selwick at least somewhat responsible for the near tragedy. Selwick went along with the explanation, though I'm not sure if he was doing it to help diffuse some of the blame from Wooster, or because he thought it would make him seem less desirable as a son-in-law.

Though nothing has been announced, it was quite clear that Miss Pinchingdale will be marrying Lt MacAllistair sometime in the future.

Wilhelmina and Lt MacAllistair insisted on going to find that broken latch wheel. Mr O'Flaherty should not have been able to break the mechanism in the manner that he did. Which means something is wrong with the steel. A good deal of the ship will have to be tested, and someone will have to inspect procedures at the foundry. So it could be argued that the misadventure has avoided a far more serious tragedy which would have befell the completed ship later. A point which Wilhelmina managed to make within earshot of the Admiral, and later within the hearing of the Viceroy.

And somehow during all the rushing about rescuing people, Wooster's hat with the abomnible collection of feathers was lost. Mr Caine will be so relieved.

Proceed to Ambush

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