Third session, "Strange Tale of the Island Astray"

Worse things

From the files of New York legal firm of Driftwood, Fiorello, and Tomasso

May 3, 1875

Mr Robert Roland, Secretary
Driftwood, Fiorello, and Tomasso, Attorneys at Law
New York City, New York
USA

Mr Roland:

No Message

A. Arthur Tomasso
Silent Partner
c/o The Standish Sanitarium
Manila City, Luzon
Phillipines

May 8, 1875

Mr Robert Roland, Secretary
Driftwood, Fiorello, and Tomasso, Attorneys at Law
New York City, New York
USA

Mr Roland:

I regret to inform you that our return has been delayed, yet again. Our most recent misfortune was visited upon us in the person of a notorious South China Sea pirate who is known by the name 'Gee Aye You,' which I am given to understand translates as 'Doctor Inescapable Fate.' Which would seem to describe most doctors of my acquaintaince.

Our ship was damaged in the fight, though not nearly as severely as I was. My health may never recover! And the British alleged doctor who allegedly attended to my injuries acted as if nothing was wrong with me at all, when I was clearly suffering from a potentially serious injury. Having obtained the alleged name of this obvious quack, I want the litigation department to begin working up a brief for a suit against Sir Cosmo Cowperthwaite.

I am convalescing under the care of a much more accomodating physician, a Dr Joachim (who also happens to be a very talented dancer). He cannot as yet say when I will be well enough to travel, and frankly given the scenery around here I may never recover.

Before leaving Africa we arranged to have one of the elephants I shot stuffed and shipped to you in New York. The taxidermist indicated the tusks might give him a bit of trouble, but by now the trophy should be on its way to you. If there is a problem, please send forward the specimen to my old friend Dr. Hugo B. Hackenbush in Alabama, where the tusks are looser.

Sincerely yours,

Otis B. Driftwood
Senior Partner
c/o The Standish Sanitarium
Manila City, Luzon
Phillipines

From the diary of Mr Leonardo C. Fiorello, Attorney at Law

Tuesday, April 26, 1875

My dear departed Grandmother was right. Worse things happen at sea! Ricardo insisted on trying to fight the pirates. Or at least protect this girl he's sweet on from them. I wanted to just hide in a truck and wait until it was over. But we lose everything if Ricardo doesn't sing in New York, so I was out there risking life and limb. Oh, what a man won't do for a lousy ten percent.

At least the Giant Mick didn't see us.

Proceed to Get their paws wet

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