3.apr.1871
it was only a dream. it was only a dream. it must have been only
a dream... it started so nicely. i was walking under the stars
but in my dress. at a churche fate. it was so odd that i knew
it was only a dream. why else would i have been wearing my fancy
dress outside? i wouldn’t want to wear it out, after all?!?
anyway, i realized that wooster was standing next to my and that
my arm was intertwined with his. the frightening thing is that
it felt really good. he asked if i wanted to go to the refreshment
tent. i decided that, dangit, it was my dream and i was going
to enjoy it. so i went.
edward was playing a game. then i saw ms frazer. and mr. frazer. each pushing baby buggies. how odd. she looked very confused. then ms cuthbert came out of the refreshment tent and started talking to ms frazer. i must be spending too much time with my companions, that they show up in my dreams. then they heard wilameena’s voice from the other side of the fate. the other ladies split up. i decided that i didn’t need to go anywhere. it was my dream after all, i didn’t have to do anything i didn’t want to, for once. only then wooster said he smelled gunpowder and left. part of me was sad, but i wasn’t going to go investigate. then there was an explosion... i can’t even get away from explosions in my dreams! then wooster came back. says he, “if you don’t want refreshements, mayhap you would like to dance?” about the time i slapped him, i was awoken by the sound of turgenov running down the hall.
happy to be out of the dream going so horribly, i raced down the hall, weapons out, hoping for a fight. it’s been so long since i’ve gotten to fight anyone! i keep missing them. either i’m not anywhere around, or i get there just as the fight ends. i even saw one of the people we were chasing explode into a fireball! tonight was no exception. there was no fight brewing. miss helen was sleepwalking and threw a desk knack thru a window.
but everyone was talking about the same dream i had. it was just a dream right? i wouldn’t talk to anyone else. i even ate breakfast with the servants. they talked about the odd dream of the church fate. part of me wonders if we were all part of the same dream. i’m going to pretend that no one else saw me enjoying wooster’s company. how nice it felt to be in his company. at least until he asked me to dance, anyway...
micgregor asked me some troubling questions later. about wooster talking in his sleep. about him asking me to dance. bother. double bother. triple bugger bother. what if wooster starts getting ideas? i want to be near him but i don’t want to have anything to do with him. what’s a girl to do? mayhap i should talk to mrs namasty...
middle of the night...
i finaly got to fight someone! granted it was one of the easiest
fights i’ve had since i was like oh, 10, but it was still
a fight. the sneak was pretty pathetic. he asked ms frazer for
the diamond. then he pulled a knife and threatened her. so i knocked
his knife out of his hand at the same that ms cuthbert hit him
with the poker and turgenof got his other arm. all that was left
was for mr frazer to catch him. pathetic indeed... but a fight
none the less...
4.apr.1871
i talked to mrs namasty today and asked her what it was like.
to be a lady after not being one. She said you have to work a
lot less. and people ask you silly questions like what color drapes
do you want in the living room and what to eat for dinner. we
both agreed that they were very silly questions. why change the
drapes when they are perfectly fine? and why can’t the cook,
who knows food after all, make a descion about what to eat...
5.apr.1871
got a talking to from mrs frazer. we went to a lecture by the
erl about the plight of the young women. there was some very firey
words. if i didn’t know how lord greminster realy felt, and
how helpful he had been to these poor girls, i would have been
very vexed... but mrs fazer was telling me how easy it was to
have ones head turned by a rich young man. how, while it would
be very nice to find a young man, it is better to wait for the
proper young man. nothing personal, of course.
i think she was talking about me and wooster. like i would allow my head to be turned enough to forget my morals and beliefs. yes, i like wooster, but not because he’s rich. i want to detest him, but i can’t seem to. but i would never accept anything less than marriage before allowing anything to happen... of course, this is all moot. i don’t know what he thinks of me...
9.apr.1871
it’s easter. i got a gift. i don’t think i’ve ever
gotten a gift for easter. mmmm.... it has handmade candys. they
are very good. i nibbled on one. i’m not sure if i can bring
myself to eat them all. i want to take some back and share it
with my girls. i don’t think they have ever had anything
like this! and a gold fountain pen engraved with my initials.
i think i shall add it to the shrine in my room. it’s much
too nice to use... i feel slightly bad about accepting it when
i have nothing to give in return. how could i ever compete with
these gifts? i tried to be nicer at weapons practice. i went to
church today. one of the few days each yer that i go.
i’ve noticed that i’m starting to loiter in the vacinity of wooster. just hanging out in the room with the group. not interacting with him, not doing anything other than watching... i don’t think i can bring myself to to initiate anything. i’ll just have to wait and see what happens. at least he’s pretty dense. i’ll just hope that he never notices. after all, i don’t think i can ever really expect marriage... assuming he were to actually propose and i were actually to accept. which i’m not saying would happen. we’re just talking possiblities, after all... really... yeah...
Proceed to Harder than I thought
This page copyright 2005 by Jeri Lynn Cornish. All Rights Reserved.