Sans Fig Leaf
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"Brightening"
22 December, 2007
I am often reminded how
lucky I am. I have friends who are wonderful, talented, giving, and
just fun to be around. I don't deserve them, and often wonder if this
is all just some dream.
I've started this
particular essay many times over the last few years.
Each time I start listing some of my firends and explaining just how
cool they are. Two things make me change my mind about posting it this
way: one, it gets very, very long, because there are so many people I
want appreciate, and two, I realize that other than the folks that know
them, after the first or second person, a long list like becomes
tedious for all the other readers.
When you care about
someone, you want people to know about it. You want other people to
know how cool your friend is. But the person who probably needs to know
it most is the friend himself or herself. So maybe trying to tell the
whole world about our great friend is more about us than about the
friends. On the other hand, we're social animals, so we have all sorts
of imperatives to share news with our fellows. Humans are also
inherently story tellers. We explain things to ourselves and each other
by putting the events into the context of a narrative.Whatever the
reason for the impulse, it comes back again and again.
This time of year is
difficult for most people. Whether you celebrate a particular holiday
or not, in our culture you are surrounded by people who do. We are
expected to participate in events through work, or with our neighbors,
or with family, that require time and energy which we may not have to
spare.
Here in the northern
hemisphere it is also the season of darkness. There isn't much
daylight, the temperatures are often cold. You don't have to have the
holiday blues, seasonal affective disorder, or depressive tendencies to
feel a little down.
I always end up with a lot
of things I wanted to do that I never quite have time for. I often feel
bad because I haven't spent enough time with one person or another. I
worry that some of the presents I got some people are things they don't
like. I worry that other people may not realize how much I appreciate
the gifts they give me. I worry about relatives I won't get to see.
That latter one has become
particularly poignant the last couple years, with the death of my
paternal grandfather, and now my maternal grandmother. I can never say
"Merry Christmas" to them again. Realizing that makes me worry all the
more about everyone who is still with me. Do they know how I feel? Do
they realize that they are the reason I think life is fabulous?
This week was a textbook
example. I was angsting about my schedule. There are all these things I
wanted to get done before we left town to spend the holiday with Mom.
While I was whining about it, someone suggested that one of the
activities--an editorial board meeting for the literary project--could
be cancelled and free up a chunk of my time. I explained why I didn't
want to cancel it, and my reasons were all valid and true.
But none of them was the
real reason. Cancelling the meeting would mean I didn't get to see some
of the people I love the most. I didn't get to see all of them, because
they all had other commitments and such, but for a few hours we
discussed the project, we worked on Christmas cards for the
subscribers, we laughed, we talked, and I, at least, had a fabulous
time.
It was probably selfish of
me, but I'm still glad I got to see them one more time before I left
town.
At the outset of this
essay I said that I don't deserve the wonderful people in my life. The
truth, I don't think any of us deserve either the good or bad people or
things that happen to us. Because I don't think the universe is about
what we deserve or don't deserve. But a lot of wonderful things pass us
as we live out our lives. Some of those good things pass us by. But if
we're lucky, and if we're paying attention, we can grab them. Their
passage becomes a part of our lives. Brightening our days, making the
good times worth waiting for, and making the bad times survivable. If
we are really lucky, we will also realize that from time to time that
we are the ones bringing good things to their lives, too.
So as the wheel of the
seasons turns, and another Season of Darkness begins to hint at the
coming of spring, let me take a moment to at least mention those bright
spots in my life.
Michael, Kristin, Mark,
Keith, Julie, David, Sky, Ieva, Charles, Edd, Chuck, Jeri Lynn, Mike,
Jeff, Jared, C.D., Judy, Sheryl, Amy, Katrina, Barb, Kathy, Katie,
Maggie, Joyce, Tom, Brenda, Sara, Bill, Gary, Ann, Matt, Jim, Tom,
Mercy, Jen, Lance, Kara, Brian, Karl, Steve, Terrie, Mel, Lee, Pam,
Jennifer, the other Maggie, Dan, Eva, Fen, the other Ed, Susi, the
other Mark, Denni, Teri, the other Lee, Cyndy, Trudi, Mae, Denis,
Linda, Alan, yet another Mark, the other Ann, Susan, Dina, Linda, the
other Brian, Tom, Chip, Erin, Dion, Patrick, Doris, Glendene, Peggy,
Mary, and so many more I keep finding myself listing people twice then
thinking of two more I should add: you're the best. No, really, all of
you are. Even though many of you I don't get to see as often as I like,
I hope you understand that you make my life fabulous. I hope your
holiday is filled with magic, love, wonder, and delight.
Because my life has all of
those things and so much more, thanks to you.
--Jerry Van Amerongen
.