Sans Fig Leaf
w
"Too good for me"
19 February, 2004
Six years and two weeks ago, Michael and I went on our first date. I was more than a bit nervous and in a weird head space. My partner of more than seven years had passed away the previous autumn, and on some levels I was still trying to come to terms with that. Things got weird, that February. Three other guys asked me out at different times, and after consulting with a few friends, I accepted. Some of the dates went better than others, but none of them felt as right as my time with Michael.
Other things were going on in both our lives. We had a few miscommunications at one point. But even when things were weirdest, I noticed something very unusual. We never argued. We didn't agree on everything, there were moments where one of us was angry at the other, but we didn't argue. We talked whatever it was out and came to an agreement. Sometimes it was an agreement to disagree, but we could always find a meeting of minds. It wasn't long before I realized that part of the reason was because our hearts had settled everything long before. So I asked him to make it permanent and he said, "Yes."
On February 21, 2000, we made it official, or at least as official as the laws allowed. We registered our domestic partnership (and got some other legal documents notarized), and became, at least to those who love us, husband and husband.
I have to pinch myself, sometimes, thinking that I must be dreaming. I have done nothing to deserve a guy as smart, sweet, and loving as Michael. When I say that to him, he always denies that he's so wonderful. So let me tell you just how wonderful he is.
He's generous. He seems always willing to help out with people's projects. He'll kibbitz, advise, or just roll up his sleeves and work on it, whatever seems appropriate. He's always on the look out for things to give people. If he knows someone is in need of a particular piece of equipment, he'll keep an eye peeled for it whenever we're out and about. He re-arranges his schedule to help folks out, whether they need some assistance with a project, some time to just visit and get away from troubles, or a square meal.
He's frugal. Okay, part of him is downright penny-pinching, but he's very good about recognizing where penny pinching is called for, and where it isn't. He'll make something do, or he'll find a cheaper alternative if need be, or we'll figure out the times when paying a higher price is better in the long run.
He's cheerful. Even when he's dealing with a frustrating problem, he still manages to make jokes about it. I've watched him remain happy and upbeat in situations that turn ordinary people into sulking grouches. He's so upbeat that folks around him have a difficult time not being caught up in the mirth.
He's not a pollyanna. Some who see how cheerful he remains under pressure make the mistake of thinking that he's a bubble-headed optimist who doesn't know how to deal with adversisty. They just fail to realize that he's not at all an optimist. He assumes things will go wrong, all sorts of things from the ordinary to the outlandish, and he makes plans for how he'll take care of each of them if they arise. The problems that really do materialize almost always fall far short of his worst case scenarios, so he handles them quickly and moves on.
He's smart. Because of the perky overflowing of mirth mentioned above, some people make the very unwise assumption that he's not very bright. I say unwise because on a couple of occasions I've watched people make this assumption then painfully learn to regret it. Being a nosy husband, I've seen some of his school records and test scores and such, and let's just say that he'd get accepted into Mensa in a heart beat if he cared to apply, okay?
He's unassuming. Despite being competent and smart, he never insists on being the center of attention. I've watched him put in long hours making something happen, doing all the thankless tasks necessary to keep the project on track, filling in for missing people, and so forth, and then give all the credit to his assistants. He's perfectly happy knowing that he did the job well and doesn't need to be showered with praise afterward. And when those of us who do notice what a terrific job he does do try to recognize his efforts, he just shrugs and says it wasn't that hard.
He's genuine. He's never putting on an act. If he says something, he means it. You never need to second-guess him.
He's tactful. Many make the incorrect assumption that one cannot be completely honest and tactful at the same time. They're wrong. Michael is very good at recognizing which things are worth saying, which are better left unsaid, or which ought to be handled in private. He doesn't mince words, but he has a knack for delivering criticism in a way that feels like a cheerful suggestion.
He really cares. He can empathize with just about everyone. He sometimes jokes about how he's involved in a bunch of different groups that are frequently at odds with one another. I think part of the reason he can get along so well with such very different people is because he accepts everyone for who they are, without any predefined expectations. He sees them all as simply fellow travellors in this life, with perhaps different needs and desires, but still all just trying to get from one day to the next the best that they can.
In short, he's too good for me. I don't deserve such a sweet, smart, caring guy. I can't say enough how grateful I am that he's in my life. Thank you, Michael. Happy anniversary.
(By the way, as of this writing, we still have never had an argument!)