Sans Fig Leaf
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"Choosing"
5 February, 2004
A co-worker recently said to me, "I don't know how you can afford to have season tickets to the theatre. They're so expensive!" I was tactful enough not to point out that every day the co-worker buys lunch at a local café, whereas I eat my little sack lunch at my desk. Probably the difference in what we spent on lunches, alone, would cover season tickets for the co-worker and spouse.
This same co-worker had been shocked a few months earlier to find out I take the bus to work and walk home, rather that drive my car every day and pay the exorbitant fees to park in the garage (plus gas, extra wear and tear on the car, et cetera).
Not that I begrudge them their choices, but I always find it amusing when people don't acknowledge which things in their lives are choices. Not that I'm claiming that my decisions are superior to theirs. I spend money on plenty of things that other people would label as frivolous. I've had people freak out when they see the hundreds of books in the living room alone--and there are far more book cases back in the computer room.
Other times people seem genuinely disappointed or even hurt that the things I choose to put my time and effort into are different than the things they choose. Others seem to take some choices as some sort of personal insult.
Sometimes when I'm being enthusiastic about something that I have enjoyed, particularly books or stories, I overwhelm people. They take my surprise as disapproval. No, its just genuine shock. I'm always flabbergasted when people haven't heard of a book or author or movie that I consider a classic. Or just a significant work. I'm sure that people have felt I was overreacting.
Part of the surprise, I think, is hardwired. I believe we, as a species, are predisposed to expect our "peers" to share a common culture and collective memory. Another part of the surprise is more personal. For a significant portion of my formative years I felt less informed than everyone around me. so my first assumption is that if I'm familiar with something, other people must think it's old hat. Intellectually I understand that the reverse has been true for a long time--but some parts of one's self-image take a very long time to change.
I acknowledge my choices and try to take responsibility for them. It's my choice to spend so much of my time reading and writing, for example. I spend far less time drawing and painting. The result is, I can write in all kinds of styles and genres, fiction or nonfiction, with ease and a bit of skill, but my artistic output is marginal.
I spend more money on live theatre tickets than on cinema tickets. I spend more money on DVDs than on theatre or cinema. Because I do those things, there are other things I don't have the time or money to do. I accept that and enjoy the things I have chosen, and don't worry about the things I haven't.
Conversely, I do my best to respect other peoples' right to make their own choices. That doesn't mean I always approve of those choices. After all, I don't expect people to approve mine.
I know that choices, alone, don't determine everything in life. Forces beyond our control place all kinds of limitations on our options. I find it equally amusing that so many people don't understand that not everyone has the same choices as everyone else.
But the choices, even the limited ones, are where we exert control over our destiny. Choosing is both a privelege and a responsibility, and should be done with care.