Sans Fig Leaf
"In the thick of it"
21 November, 2001
Unfortunately, the stresses of life and holidays usually overwhelm much of that comfort. Especially if you are in charge of cooking the big family dinner. These affairs can be loaded down with so many expectations that it's a wonder more cooks don't strangle their guests.
It doesn't have to be that way. Now, I realize that I'm an unusual case. I don't bat an eye at cooking dinner for twenty people. One of my favorite holiday memories is the time I made Christmas Eve dinner for 16 adults and 5 children. I roasted a prime rib and a glazed ham (and yes, I did the glazing myself), and had such side dishes as stuffed baked apples, sweet potato and apple casserole, and scalloped corn. For dessert there was eggnog cake, pumpkin cheesecake, and pecan pie.
But the reason I could do all of that, remain in good cheer, and enthusiastically volunteer to do it again the next year is not that I have some sort of superhuman patience or magical kitchen powers. It is all a matter of keeping things in perspective and not sweating the small stuff.
For example, let's talk about gravy. I have seen people reduced to tears, literally, trying to make gravy that will be just as perfect as the roast turkey and fourteen side dishes already weighing down the table. They have a dozen or more guests impatiently hovering around the feast, wanting to get started, and the darn gravy just won't come together.
When I make gravy from scratch it tastes good, but it's always lumpy and that used to bug me no end. "I can cook cream pies from scratch! I know how to butterfly cut a roast! I can make biscuits or pie crust from scratch without using a measuring cup! Why can't I make gravy without lumps?" I would wail.
I am no longer bothered by that. Why? Because I don't make gravy from scratch any more. If we forgot to buy a packet of instant or to pick up a jar of pre-mixed, I ask Michael to do it (and his always comes out perfectly). Otherwise, I begin with the instant or pre-mix and add things to make it appear and taste more homemade.
For example, if you buy a jar of the pre-made stuff, pour the contents of the jar into a sauce pan big enough to hold at least twice as much gravy. Take some drippings from the pan of whatever you're cooking, and put that in the jar (it's best if the drippings are nice and hot). It should be half full of liquid. Put about a quarter cup of flour or cornstarch into the jar. Put the lid on and tighten the lid really good. Shake the hell out the jar. And keep doing it for at least a minute. Pour the contents through a strainer into the pan. Repeat. Now heat up the gravy according to the directions on the jar.
You'll have gravy that tastes like the meat you're serving and doesn't quite look like that artificial color that it had when it came out of the jar.
If you're roasting a bird, you can take the neck or the neck and the giblet, and simmer them in salt water while the bird is roasting. This will make a nice broth. Take a packet of the instant stuff and follow the directions on the packet. While you're stirring the mixture, start adding the broth you made all day long, a little at a time. If you want really thick gravy, put a cup of the broth into a water tight tupperware-type containor, and put a half cup of flour in it. Seal the lid on tight and shake the hell out of it (best to it over a sink and hold it so that you're helping keep the lid on). Pour your mixture into the gravy. Follow the instructions on the packet.
If you or your guests don't want the giblets in the gravy (heathens), you can just discard them. Otherwise, stir those right in.
Maybe gravy isn't your bane. Maybe it's the expection that everything must be perfect. Or maybe it's some relative or in-law you don't get along with. Whatever the cause, you can make it a little more bearable just by relaxing.
Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't apologize for things that aren't perfect. If you don't point it out, odds are half the guests won't notice.
Have a happy holiday.
And pass the gravy.
I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
--Erma Bombeck