"Relax"

24 October, 2001

I used to think of myself as a worrier. When I was a kid, lots of people in the family would refer to my grandmother as a worrier, because she was always talking about things that might go wrong, and wondering aloud if the people who were involved with whatever she was talking about at the time had thought of the things that could go wrong and were taking appropriate steps.

Since I was always thinking about things that might go wrong and making contingency plans, I figured I must be a worrier, too.

But worry means to be distressed or anxious about something you believe will or might happen. I'm seldom distressed when I'm thinking up contingencies. In fact, thinking about what might go wrong and how I would respond to it is very relaxing.

It's a process that comes naturally to me. According to the Meyers-Briggs personality profile, it's an integral part of my temperment. I don't spend a huge amount of time thinking about what might go wrong, it's sort of a background task that my brain does without much conscious effort. It's the reason why I've maintained this illusion over the years of being calm, cool, and collected during emergencies. It isn't that I'm calm, it's that some time in the past I already came up with a plan for reacting to this sort of emergency. Now that it's here, I just follow the plan, with appropriate improvisations for the specific circumstances.

So I forget, sometimes, that my friends' thought processes don't work that way. This has been brought home lately as a convention many of us are attending approaches. Both Michael and I are on the staff. I have a very low-key job at the con, though I also am representing the literary project, there, so I have a table to run each day, and I've volunteered to help other staffers who need help. It'll be a lot of work, but it will also be a lot of fun, so I'm really looking forward to it.

Some of the other staffers are dreading it. They're getting jittery or morose or worrying about what's happening.

If I could, I would give each of them a nice, long hug, a mug of warm cocoa and murmur in their ears, "Relax.

"We'll get through it. Something will go wrong. I don't know what, but I'm old enough and experienced enough to know that something, somewhere, always does go wrong. We'll deal with it. Somehow we will cope. We will do our best and we'll survive. If some event doesn't happen as smoothly as we would like, so be it. If we have to cancel some part of something, so be it. Most of the things that can go wrong at an event such as this are very minor in the big scheme of things. That's what we need to remember.

"If someone is injured, we'll deal with it. Many of us are experienced with medical emergencies, and the county has a very good medical response system.

"If something more serious than we can deal with happens, it happens. We can't cope with everything, and worrying about the things we can't handle ourselves doesn't keep them from happening. So, stop worrying about them."

That's what I'd say, because I know it's true.

I'm determined to have a good time. So let's sit back, relax, and enjoy ourselves. Whatever happens, it'll be a fun ride.

Relax, don't do it,
When you want to go to it.
Relax, don't do it,
When you want to come,
When you want to come.
--Frankie Goes to Hollywood

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