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4 January, 2000
I remember the first time, when I was a kid, that I learned that other families celebrated Christmas differently than we did. I was watching a movie on my parents' black and white TV which included a holiday scene, and the family on-screen did something which seemed completely alien to me. I don't recall what it was, but I do remember my mother explaining to me that different families have different traditions, and even different religions.
It was a very difficult concept to grasp. I was still at the age where I didn't understand the difference between family customs and, say, laws of physics. We couldn't open presents until Christmas morning, just like you couldn't throw something into the air without it falling back down to the earth. I was immediately intrigued, and pestered her with lots of questions about these other ways of doing things.
As often happened in these cases, my mother eventually dug up a book on the subject. She seemed to be as surprised as I was to learn that most of her most dearly treasured Christmas traditions had been "borrowed" from pagan traditions of various European peoples. Of course, some of those "ancient traditions" have actually turned out to be fabrications or exaggerations created by proponents of certain religious and political agendas as an indirect result of the protestant reformation, but what would tradition be without a convenient omission or exaggeration here and there?
What I find more intriguing than the origins of Christmas trees or mistletoe kisses, is the contemplation of what I call "secret traditions." For example, my boyfriend's family had the ritual of the Christmas spanking during his childhood; no Christmas was complete without him being spanked for being too loud, or too excited, or too something. Several of my friends' families have the traditional holiday argument. My family of origin had the tradition of the gift shaking -- before any present can be opened, it must be shook, turned, tilted, and otherwise examined, and then a guess about the contents must be made.
I have discovered that categorizing certain activities of my relatives as rituals significantly reduces my holiday stress. Now, for example, I don't get all irritated at recriminations. I simply think of it as the Annual Laying On of the Guilt. I don't subscribe to the religion of Guilt, but would never dream of depriving others of their religion, so I just let it pass. Similarly with the Annual Assigning of the Blame and Recitation of Past Transgressions.
Being a taoist with a wiccan boyfriend, I get to pick and choose which traditions to use and create my own rituals. I cover my home in flashing, multi-colored lights, and say that this is the ritual of Driving Out the Darkness. I play silly children's holiday music and call it the ritual of Remembering Innocence. Some of our holiday guests may have seen Santa Claus atop our Christmas Tree, while I saw the Holly King adorning our Yule Tree. It's all a matter of perspective.
I'll light my candles, ring the bell, and adorn the house with greenery, to remind myself that spring will follow winter.
Or just because I want to.
Note to the readers: Sorry about the hiatus. I did work on essays during my vacation, but between the normal holiday busy-ness and some connectivity difficulties, none were uploaded. Until now.
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This page is copyright 2000 by Gene Breshears. Photograph is copyright 1998 by Julie Rampke. All Rights Reserved.